Cheers: Norm Peterson Speaks!


  Cliff and Norm

Cliff and Norm.

Talk around the bar

Rebecca, "I think we should move the piano down here. We put it against this wall. If you help me move it, I'll get each of you a free beer."
Norm, "Great. I mean do you think we are a couple of trained dogs. Every time you, you want us to do something, you waggle a free beer under our nose. Oh, oh. We have a little dignity, allright Paul ?"
Paul, "If I do it by myself, can I have both beers ?"
Rebecca, "Sure!"
Norm, "Way to go, fathead. I was working it for a pitcher."

(Kelly, the rich and naive girl-friend of Woody, is temporarily working as a waitress)
Norm, "Kelly, can I have a beer please ?"
Kelly, "Ok, let me go get Woody."
Norm, "Oh no, you don't need Woody. Come on, I show you how it's done. Take a glass, stick it underneath this white lever here. Ok? Voila, you have a beer. Now there's a black book underneath the cash register, it says Norm's tab."
Kelly, "You mean this one here with all these little marks on it?"
Norm, "Now, Kelly, each one of these little marks represents a beer that I purchased in advance. Every time I order one you have to take this eraser and you erase one of these little marks. Don't forget to erase now, I don't want any free beers."
Kelly, "Ok, Mr. Peterson."
Norm, "Thank you."
Cliff, "Unbelievable, I am in the presence of shoot genius."
Norm, "Thank you Cliffie. Kelly, can I have another beer for my dear friend Cliff Clavin. What the heck, take it off my tab."
(scene available in personal video-archive)

(A lot of noise; some people are working outside the bar)
Norm, "Carla, a beer please"
Carla, "What ?" (yelling)
Norm, "Can I have a beer please ?" (yelling)
Carla, "What ?" (yelling)
Norm, "Ca......." (yelling)
(the noise comes to a halt)
Norm, "Can I have a beer please ?"
Carla, "What ?" (yelling)
Norm, "They stop the hammering, ok!"
Carla, "I know, I am just torturing you!" (yelling)

( Norm fired Doris, but continues to pay her; Vera is his wife )
Norm, "I handled that one rather well, don't you Wood. Could I have a celebratory beer please ?"
Frasier, "Handled it, my foot! You mean to tell you pay that girl week after week to stop following you and watching you every move, interrupting your beer drinking.
Norm, "But Frase, this is nothing, I bought Vera a house."

Lilith, "Norm, we have a few things we'd like to ask you about."
Norm, "Oh great, it must be pretty important, if you are going to buy me a free drink."
Lilith, "Oh, of course we will. A drink for Norm! What do you drink ?"
(big laughther in bar)
Lilith, "What's so funny ?"
Frasier, "It is that everyone knows that Norm always drinks beer."
Lilith, "Ah, that is hysterical."

Norm, "I'll think I have a Perrier" [pretending not to drink beer]
Norm's boss, "Give me a beer"
Norm, "Wait a minute now. Beer. Sounds like a refreshing change. I think I'll have a beer."

Norm, "Women. Can't live with 'em, pass the beer nuts."

Norm, "It seems to me that we have a problem."
Woody, "Oh, you wanted another beer, Mr. Peterson?"
Norm, "So, we have two problems!"

Norm, "Well, bars can be very sad places. Some people spend there whole lifes in the bar.
Just yesterday, some guy sat right next to me for 11 hours."

Cliff, "So ... hé ... Normy. So how is business going?"
Norm, "Lousy, Cliffy. I've been so damn busy painting, I haven't had time to stop in here and visit with my best friend."
Cliff, "I missed you too, you big luck." (luck misspelled ?)
Norm, "Yeah, actually Cliffie, I meant Mr. Beer!"

Carla, "No, I thought it might be a good idea to have a beer first."
Norm, "Yeah, I find that pretty much applies to everything."

Woody, "He Mr. Peterson I am a Leo, what does my horoscope say?"
Norm, "Young bartender should refill mug of thirsty patron in corner bar."
Woody, "These things are so vague, they can apply to anybody."

Norm, "One more quick one coach. Then I really got to run."

Norm Peterson enters Cheers - Normism

Each time Norm enters Cheers, all folks in the bar welcome him, with a loud "NORM!!!" (in chorus). Then Norm starts one of his famous dialogues with the bartender on duty. These dialogues are sometimes also referred to as Normism. This page gives an (unfortunately not complete) overview of these dialogues.

xxx, "Whatcha up to, Norm?"
Norm, "My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."

Sam, "How's life treating you?"
Norm, "It's not, Sammy, but you can!"

xxx, "Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?"
Norm, "Like a baby treats a diaper."

xxx, "How's life treating you, Norm?"
Norm, "Like it caught me sleeping with its wife."

xxx, "What's shaking, Norm?"
Norm, "All four cheeks and a couple of chins."

xxx, "What's going down, Normie?"
Norm, "My butt cheeks on that bar stool."

Woody, "How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
Norm, "It's a dog-eat-dog world, Woody, and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear."

Woody, "Hé Mr. Peterson, you got room for a beer?"
Norm, "No, but I am willing to add on."

Woody, "What'll it be Mr. Peterson?"
Norm, "A trough of beer and a snorkel."

Coach, "What can I do for you, Norm?"
Norm, "I'm gonna need something to kill time before my second beer ..... How 'bout a first one."

Coach, "Can I draw you a beer, Norm?"
Norm, "No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one."

Coach, "How about a beer, Norm?"
Norm, "Hey I'm high on life, Coach. Of course, beer is my life."

Coach, "How does a beer sound, Norm?"
Norm, "I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in."

Coach, "Beer, Normie?"
Norm, "Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week. Eh, what the heck, I'm still young."

Coach, "What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?"
Norm, "Going down?"

Sam, "What's new, Normie?"
Norm, "Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach. They're demanding beer."

Coach, "What'll it be, Normie?"
Norm, "Just the usual, Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel."

Coach, "What would you say to a beer, Normie?"
Norm, "Daddy wuvs you."

Sam, "What'd you like, Normie?"
Norm, "A reason to live. Give me another beer."

Sam, "What will you have, Norm?"
Norm, "Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap."
Sam, "Oh, looks like beer, Norm".
Norm, "Call me Mister Lucky."

Sam, "What do you say, Norm?"
Norm, "Any cheap, tawdry thing that will get me a beer."

Sam, "What do you say to a beer, Normie?"
Norm, "Hiya, sailor. New in town?"

Norm [coming in from the rain], "Evening, everybody."
All, "Norm! (Norman!)"
Sam, "Still pouring, Norm?"
Norm, "That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing."

Sam, "Whaddya say, Norm?"
Norm, "Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink. And down it goes."

Woody, "What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?
Norm, "Boxer shorts and loose shoes. But I'll settle for a beer.

Norm, "Hey, everybody."
All, "" [silence; everybody is mad at Norm for being rich]
Norm, [carries on both sides of the conversation himself]
"Norm! (Norman.)"
"How are you feeling today, Mr. Peterson?"
"Rich and thirsty. Pour me a beer."

Woody, "Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
Norm, "No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass."

Woody, "Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
Norm, "A little early, isn't it Woody?"
Woody, "For a beer?"
Norm, "No, for stupid questions."

Woody, "What's the story, Mr. Peterson?"
Norm, "The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending."

Woody, "Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."
Norm, "I know, and if she calls, I'm not here."

Sam, "Beer, Norm?"
Norm, "Have I gotten that predictable? Good."

Woody, "What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
Norm, "A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'" (pointing at his stomach)

Woody, "Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?"
Norm, "Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?"

xxx, "How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
Norm, "Poor."
xxx, "I'm sorry to hear that."
Norm, "No, I mean pour."

xxx, "Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson."
Norm, "Alright, but stop me at one.... make that one-thirty."

xxx, "What's the story, Norm?"
Norm, "Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."

xxx, "How about a beer, Norm?"
Norm, "That's that amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good things about it!"

Woody, "What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
Norm, "The question is: what's going in, Mr. Peterson? A beer please, Woody."

xxx meaning that the name of the bartender on duty is not known.


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